brianmalik:

if i sigh loudly enough will all of my problems go away 

lubricates:

at least 2014 didnt start out with someone sucking on a tampon

lameborghini:

school taught me a lot of stuff but mostly it taught me how to get ready in 15 minutes

smithwestrns:

how are all these math classes going to help me become a new york it girl with a huge wardrobe and a boyfriend in an indie rock band that writes songs about me

mightyflower:

to quote hamlet act III scene iii line 92, “no”

floozys:

"stop saying straight men are weak and pathetic" 

i had to listen to a man describe how the fact that his girlfriend’s farts are louder and stronger than his is making him feel self conscious and emasculated on the radio today 

ussawesome:

when you spell a word so wrong that spell check is like i dont know what to tell u man

stability:

I wish my wallet came with free refills

unfriendlyasiangirl:

i’m so possessive over people but like a quiet possessive because i dont want to be clingy so i kinda just angrily stare at people from afar 

oreoofficial:

hearing your voice through a recording

image

image

gayttlieb:

DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A ᶠʳᶦᶜᵏᶫᵉ ᶠʳᵃᶜᵏᶫᵉ

neyagawa:

THIS PHOTO IS CRAZY! HE CAN’T EVEN SEE THE TSUNAMI BEHIND HIM!?!

neyagawa:

THIS PHOTO IS CRAZY! HE CAN’T EVEN SEE THE TSUNAMI BEHIND HIM!?!

galaxys4:

employer: it says here on ur résumé that u speak two languages fluently is that correct??
me: yes I speak English and emoji fluently :)
employer: wtf emoji isn’t a language
me:👉👌💦💦💩😎
employer: damn tru lmao ur hired